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Man Dressed As Tree Arrested

A man dressed himself as a tree.

It is an indisputable fact that trees don’t belong in the street. Luckily, we have law enforcement to deal with such situations. Yesterday in Portland, Maine, police successfully arrested a stubborn human tree, who was blocking traffic at a busy intersection.

The piney perp “went to Congress Square wearing what appeared to be branches from an evergreen tree,” the Portland Press-Herald reports. Police approached him, lifted the needly branches from his face, and told him to stay out of traffic. When he walked into the road, they arrested him for obstructing a public way. Video shows the tree slowly shuffling down the crosswalk, flanked by officers.

The offending tree man, Asher A. Woodworth, is a local artist. His previous work includes various professional dance performances, as well as stealing the pepper from a local Chili’s sign. He describes himself as an “impulsive” person who “believes in physical labor and the unity of opposites.” Photo and video evidence suggest he made a really convincing tree.

Although Woodworth refused to give a press statement, police say he wasn’t protesting or handing out fliers. Instead, they say, he told them he was trying to observe how the presence of a tree-man in a busy intersection might impact “people’s natural choreography.” After he was booked and took this sad mug shot, he made his $60 bail and went home.

The Portland police were unruffled. “It happens from time to time,” one officer said.

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