Holmegaard, Denmark
BonBon Land
The greatest amusement park in the world is wall-to-wall farting dogs, puking rats, and cows with exposed breasts for the whole family.
In Denmark, on the island of Zealand, a 45-minute drive from Copenhagen, lies a disgusting and magical world every family should experience.
It began as BonBon, a candy factory in Home-Olstrup that successfully produced confections in the ‘80s and ‘90s with brazen names, such as Seagull Droppings, Large Boobs, Pee Diapers, Ear Wax, and Hundeprutter (“Dog Fart”). Naturally, children could not resist such delectable scatological treats. Numerous requests to visit the factory were met with rejection due to strict hygiene laws. No swimming in the chocolate river allowed in real life, kiddies. In 1992, the owner, Michael Spang expanded his successful business into the BonBon Land theme park, which eventually housed dozens of rides and characters with naughty names and personalities on par with the line of candies.
The park originally offered simple duck boat rides in a pond, a movie theater, and a small candy factory and store. Although Spang wanted to create an amusement park for kids of all ages, there’s not much innocent about it. BonBon-Land quickly exploded into a massive 32-acre carnival of farting, defecating, and urinating character sculptures, many of whom are exposing large breasts with erect nipples. How can this be a family-friendly theme park? Because the Danish totally get it. Immature people of all ages want to goof off in a land filled with dirty cartoon animals and amplified fart sounds, and rightly so.
Displayed across the grounds you will find a sewer rat who seems to be projectile vomiting urine, seagulls defecating into an alligator’s mouth, and voluptuous bovine breasts aplenty.
Besides all of the animals that are excreting fluids and baring their ample bosoms, you’ll discover that most of the characters are either drunk or sick. Many of the animals resemble Disney characters with a twisted dose of perversion. The park offers age-appropriate attractions as long as the whole family is keen on potty humor: gentle rides for the young ones and 18+ coasters featuring even more vulgar displays of animal exhibitionism and muck flinging.
Located dead center in the park is the Dog Fart Switchback (“Hundeprutterutchebane”). Although not the most high-powered rollercoaster, it is by far the most popular. Riders soar and glide over mounds of dog excrement while amplified fart sounds boom from a giant humiliated dog lifting his leg. He actually looks terrified about his lack of control. Henry the farting dog is also the mascot of the park, as you will find countless souvenirs of his likeness in the park’s gift shop, Paradise.
For guests who want to skip right to the high-speed rides, the ‘”The Tomcat” (Hankatten) and “The Wild Boar” (Vild-Svinet) are the way to go. The latter, voted Denmark’s best roller coaster in 2003, is the park’s leader as far as sheer speed and G-force, taking passengers up a 97-degree ascent and topping out at over 45 mph.
Other attractions at the park have irresistible names as well, such as the Worm, the Stud, Seagull Blobs, Horses Bulbs, Fold Cod, Crow Trees, the Horse Dropping, the Crazy Turtle, Skid Mark, Beaver Rafting, Dunce Cap, and Rubbish Dump.
Also located within the park is Fantasy World, a walkthrough indoor playground, which according to BonBon Land’s website, houses Denmark’s largest collection of mechanical pixies, as well as “the colorful Mexico.”
Contributed by
Rebecca Burgan
Blindcolour
