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The CIA’s Declassified Guide to What Women Want

Women, apparently, are “intimidated by the secretive, aloof image of the CIA.”

(Photo: Public domain)

A version of this story originally appeared on Muckrock.com.

After coming across what appeared to be an actual in-house CIA poster depicting lady agents as hard-boiled, gun-toting, detective novel dames, MuckRock user Runa Sandvik requested the agency’s recruitment material aimed at women.

A year later, they delivered.

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While the posters are pretty amazing - especially when they start devolving into office-speak buzzword-salad …

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the real gem in the release is the brief regarding the campaign, unironically entitled “Target Women”.

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So, who are these women, and what do they want?

Well, first thing’s first - women are on the internet.

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But women also go to movies and read books, which is where their fanciful notions about the Agency come from.

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Seriously, where else would they get the idea that CIA’s just a bunch of aloof white dudes?

Women like to get paid lots of money, but they also like autonomy. Women have layers.

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Women enjoy women’s sporting events, as well as women’s periodicals by women. When talking to women, it helps to be a woman, otherwise they could be intimidated.

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Women are mothers, but they are also not mothers. Layers.

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Women prefer regular women to irregular women.

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Women have been burned before and are wary of false promises. Do not lie to women - they will know.

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Finally, women want different things at different stages of their life-cycles, making it next to impossible to satisfy them all at once.

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Containing multitudes: a drain on the HR budget.

Also included is a more gender-neutral overview of the perceived pros and cons of working at the CIA. Worth noting is the “deterrents” section …

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Which seems to have a fairly glaring omission or two.

Read the full release here.