…For real. We’re approaching the (best) season filled with ghouls and goblins, monsters and mayhem, but it all pales in comparison to the reality of our mad, mad world. In this spirit, I’d like to present a round-up of the most terrifying elements the animal kingdom, as designed by Mother Nature herself. We have three examples caught on video, representing the air, land, and sea. Nowhere is safe.
By Air: Just your friendly, patriotic eagle, right? Wrong. He’s on a mission for blood.
By Land: As a kid, I owned snakes, and a very dear friend of the family is a herpetologist who had nearly 50 snakes living in terrariums in his spare bedroom. Basically, I thought I was pretty unflappable when it comes to the slithery creatures, until I saw this:
By Sea: Just because cephalopods are completely awesome, doesn’t mean they’re not also terrifying. Picture yourself, walking down a dark, quiet back alley in the Bahamian coral reef, when all of a sudden… BLAMMO! You’re confronted by this thing!
Please also see this video of the “Vampire Squid From Hell” (embedding has been disabled, otherwise it would appear here in its own right. The captions are a little over-the-top, but just wait until about 2:09, whence one may find a fresh pair of drawers are in order).
Advanced Reading: Should you remain unimpressed, I offer the following traumatizing “facts of life,” for your reading pleasure.
- Intrauterine Cannibalism
- Parasites. In People.
- Suicide-bombing Pea Aphids
- Traumatic Insemination – Double whammy for using bed bugs as visual aids… shudder.
What have I missed? Surely you have a favorite example of Mother Nature being scary-smart, or a certain discovery that gave you the heebs… Share them with me in the comments! I want to be further freaked-out. Really.